weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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