does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
