So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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