he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
