I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
