She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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