this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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