I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My bed smells like the plague
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
