I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
where are my eyebrows?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
