Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
