was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
