I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
