Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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