It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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