if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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