Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
