tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hippo gnu deer
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
