I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
