im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
