we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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