i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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