I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
