I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
