So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
