the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
barbara walters just said penis...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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