I think I won the penis lottery.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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