she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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