i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
