here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
