soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
