I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
