My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
