Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
