I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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