I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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