You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
