I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
