This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
