I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
