are you still at the devil's house?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Randomize
