Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
