i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
