my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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