I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
