My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
