i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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