Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Brb crying the tears of my youth
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
