we're chasing vodka with high fives
You can't motorboat a personality
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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