Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
