haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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