My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
