i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
