apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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