You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
