My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
